He likes you. It’s clear as day. So why won’t he just make a move already?
Maybe you’ve been flirting and texting but he won’t actually ask you out.
Or maybe you’ve already been out together a few times but he isn’t even trying to kiss you.
Ladies, I get it. As much as we hate the overly-aggressive men who won’t leave us alone, the passive men who won’t just make a move already can be even more frustrating!
If I told you there was “1 simple trick” to get a guy to make a move then I’d be lying. It’s not that simple.
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Still, in my experience, there is a lot that a woman can do to encourage a man to step up and make a move. Whether that’s asking you out, pursuing you harder, or kissing you… chances are there are things you can do to give him that kick in the butt he needs.
Why He Won’t Make a Move
Put yourself in his shoes for a second. What are some reasons why a guy might not make a move?
Fear of rejection
Making any kind of move always comes with a chance of getting rejected. Rejection is one of the biggest fears people have. Including men. (Even confident men.)
Evolution has hard-wired this fear of rejection into our psychology. Early humans who were “rejected” from their tribes would face certain death on their own. So this deep fear has stuck with us into modern times, even though the stakes are lower.
Fear of inappropriate behavior
Making a romantic move on a woman comes with a new set of risks in today’s world. A lot of men are scared that an unwanted advance will cost them their job, or worse.
Overall it’s a good thing that our society is more sensitive to sexual harassment. But it has the unintended consequence of causing desirable men to behave too passively.
He doesn’t know what to do
A lot of men just don’t know what to do. They overthink it. They wait until they have the perfect date idea before they ask you out. Or they want to wait until the “perfect” time to kiss you… and then they wimp out when the time comes!
He wants you to make the move
Some men think it’s easier to just wait for the woman to make a move. And when that doesn’t happen they assume she isn’t interested and move on.
He doesn’t want to ruin your friendship
If this guy has been a friend of yours, he might be cautious about screwing up your friendship. Even if he likes you back.
It’s reasonable for him to worry about that. Once you show your feelings to somebody it can inevitably change your friendship. Maybe he isn’t sure what your response would be, and since he values your friendship he doesn’t want to risk it.
How To Get Him To Make A Move
Whatever his reasons are for holding off, let’s talk about how to get him to make a move finally!
You’ll notice that all of the reasons I listed for why he won’t go for it are due to fear. So your job is to reduce that fear. Lower the barrier that’s keeping him from taking that next step, and you’ll have a much better outcome.
Here are three effective ways to reduce his fear without sounding desperate, needy or awkward.
Flirt with him more
“But I’m already flirting with him!” you say. Well, maybe you think so. He might not see it that way.
A man who isn’t sure if you like him or not could convince himself that you’re not actually flirting. He might think that you’re just being nice. Or that you are this bubbly and outgoing with everybody.
If you want him to make a move but you sense that he’s a little scared, be more obvious with your intentions!
Try acknowledging the fact that you think he’s cute. You don’t have to outright say “you’re cute”. Instead you can work it into a conversation. For example, if he tells you about a nerdy hobby like building legos, say “aww, that makes you even cuter!”
Again: you might think you’re being obvious, but you probably aren’t. If you want to give him a signal that it’s okay to ask you out, give him that signal.
Use your body language
Body language is huge. Whether you’re trying to get him to ask you out, hold your hand, or you want him to kiss you.
Even oblivious men can pick up on body language cues. If you are giving him your full attention, you have an admiring gaze, and you do all the other subtle things that you do when you’re feeling attracted, he will notice.
Non-verbal cues make up the majority of our communication. Think of your body language as just another extension of flirting.
Don’t try to pretend like you’re not interested. If being around him makes you blush, or brush your hair back from your face excessively, then do it! He will recognize on a deep level that you are interested, even if you don’t state it with your words.
Give him your number
I know, I know. You want to know how to get him to make the first move.
Listen, some men just won’t. I know a lot of great guys who just don’t do that sort of thing. Usually because of the reasons I listed above.
So give him your number. You don’t need to explain yourself. And definitely don’t hide the reason you’re doing it. He will get the message loud and clear.
Plus, you’re still technically not making the first move. He will, when he calls you and asks you to get coffee with him.
And that, my friend, wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t give him that boost that he needed.
Don’t cheat yourself out of a great relationship just because the guy you want hasn’t made a move yet. Be patient and just a little more bold, and watch as magic happens.